Speak and Style

This is a product of last night's insomnia, twisting and turning on my bed until 3 am pondering on what should I do with my life. I am pretty sure I have mapped out my life plans so well on paper that it is almost perfect. But when will I ever learn that our plans, no matter how many times we write them down, are not guaranteed unless it is in our destiny? I know that compared to the people I know back home, things are better here because there is no lockdown and we can move around freely. However, that same local freedom is the same dilemma that I have because that is just what it is.... freedom within this country. What about my long-term plans? Will, it ever come to fruition or will I just be another speck of dust adding to this polluted world? When I first left home, I was happy--ecstatic with my newfound independence. It was finally the time when I can do anything I want and see if I can manage to live on my own. I guess I have proven that now. And the place that I am currentl

A few months ago, I was just on a soul searching adventure up north. Now, I'm writing to tell you that I see the sun shining in my life now. If you have been reading through my posts, you would see a fluctuation of mood in terms of my writings. But, I guess, bad times, indeed last.  Two months ago, I took the leap of faith quitting my full-time job to do my CELTA course. It was a needed upgrade for my skills and my CV. I mean, I have been wanting to go back to school for a while now and I was already admitted to a Masters's degree abroad but I had to abort such mission because of problems back home. Also, the current workplace is not just as fulfilling as it was before. In short, I needed a change of environment and the kind of people I deal with.  When I started my course, I met new people and mingled with them. I had awesome tutors that were appreciative of my efforts and they just help me improve all the way. For so long, I have been around critics who just pinpoint the bad

I cannot believe that my next content would come out of insomnia. It was just last night while I was twisting and turning on my bed when I knew what I should write in my blog today.  The nationwide lock down in this side of the world ended more than a month ago. It was after the government have not detected any new cases for 15 days straight. For some, it was like a notice of release from prison while for the minority, it was just another day. And I belonged to that minor group.  It was only two weeks after that I decided to go out again. Doing the usual, a full walk around the lake while talking non-sense to my friend. Drinking coffee in cafes even though I had my own coffee at home and most of all eating out (since I thrive mostly on food delivery). But what has changed really? As for me, after the 1.5 months of imposed quarantine by the government and the decision of the company to let us work from home, I kinda like it. Mainly because I did not have to go out and I l

It has been almost a month since I went back home. Came back to Hanoi and its chilly weather. Technically, it is not that cold but my tropical soul just could not take it. I promised myself to work out and sweat but how could I move when its 15 degrees outside. I know that is not the coldest but the bed has a strong gravitational pull. Instead, I end up sleeping or lying in bed until lunchtime. Not only am I missing the warm weather, but I am also missing the familiar faces. They have helped me forget overthinking even just a bit. I have been so alone for two years, and alone means I can be with people but never fully be with them. My mind is just in another dimension. And when I saw my friends, reconnected with them, it made me feel human again. I miss the beach too. I miss everything on the island. But life happened and I do not think I would be staying on the island forever as well. Cebu is home but the country and its economic/political and social conditions are things I wo

To be honest, I have been staring at the screen for an hour now thinking of ways on how to start wrapping up my 2019. I do not know whether I should be writing all the good things that happened or do I talk about how I picked myself up from the chaos called my brain.  2019, in a nutshell, was filled with self-doubt and insecurities. It was a question of whether I will make it through or do I just give up and see where life takes me. It was more of me seeing how others are progressing and then there is me sticking to my old beliefs and standing up for what I truly believe in.  This year gave me a lot of pressure considering that my plans took a huge detour. Not only that, but my declining health was also showing. Weight gain in addition to worsened hormonal issues and internal conflicts every now and then. At a glance, you would think it was only a couple of pounds gained but it is taking its toll on my mood. Hormonal imbalance is hitting me right where my brain and my m

Sitting on my desk on a tuesday, trying to make sense of what I should be putting in this blog today. Should I stick to writing my self-inflicted lamentations or do I write something positive which I do not even know about. But if I should update you with something, it is that I have fully decided to constantly update this blog from now on. NO, it is not another false promise but it will be something that I have constantly postponed out of supression and killing what really makes me happy.   I remember when I first made this blog using my basic skills in website making and using free platforms was because I wanted to be like Kryz Uy and Camille Co. Not because I want to be there imitation but I also find this thing quite interesting. Over the years, however, it has evolved to becoming my personal outlet when life has become overwhelming. My fashion sense is still there but the reason why I put up this little web space is gone. Physically, I may not be exuding the fa