I just realized how I missed to have a proper introduction of myself when I first officially launched my blog. I know that this is my 100th post now and you may think that it's too late to tell you about the lady behind speak and style but I'd like to grab this chance to tell you who I really am.
One thing that pushed me to create a blog of my own was when I was too obsessed with lookbook. Lookbook, in case you don't know, is the paradise of the fashionistas where they post the outfits that they wear everyday. Due to my obsession, I've had this personal picks like Anaztasia Siantar, Ebba Zingmark, Andy Torres, Chiara Ferragni, and our very own Camille Co, Kryz Uy, Laureen Uy and Tricia Gosingtian. After few days of stalking them in lookbook, I discovered that they had this blog where they keep it updated daily.
From that daily stalking, I went on to lusting over what they are wearing, imaginary mix and matching my clothes and dream of that celebrity kind of life. I mean seeing how perfect they are, how nice their clothes are and how pretty they are I just couldn't feel anymore ecstatic and at the same time jealous. That's when I decided to create my own blog last May 2011 (gosh, I can't believe I've had this blog for two years now!). When I made my very first post, I was expecting nothing because I only wish to write my thoughts on fashion and share a part of myself to the world. When I took that chance, I know I'd be only as tiny as dot with all the fashion blogs around in the world. But I love blogging.
I know I am not the active kind of blogger due to class schedules and the lack of places to take outfit shots plus the difficulty in wearing stylish clothes since I study in a Catholic school who is very mindful with what you wear on washdays. But trust me, everyday I'm imagining themes for my imaginary photoshoots and I still continue doing my imaginary mix and matching of clothes. The only way that keeps me going to do blogging is that desire to be like my idols one day. Everyday I still visit their blogs for inspiration but sometimes it ruins my life because I get too overwhelmed with what they are achieving that I tend to rush things up!
Now, as I remember what I read in Kryz Uy's blog when she first started blogging I realized how similar we are. I learned that she didn't have that much readers too, she was just writing because she was happy doing it. It was not yet full of outfit shots and she was just another dreamer who wishes to make a name in the world of fashion.
I'd like to thank this girl above for making a great impact in my life. She may not know me at all, but her fashion and her blog has helped me know myself and my passion. And I know the odds are too great, but I believe through persistence and hard work, I too, together with this blog will be big years from now. And perhaps somewhere out there, I could be an inspiration for other people. :)
As I am writing this blog, you should know that I am in a trance of Sam Smith's "Too Good at Goodbyes" and I have my new favorite coffee with me. Hence, anything written in this post could be in the midst of a heightened anger or a surge of overwhelming feeling.
But all the niceties aside, my point of writing is that I feel open and exposed. Lately, I have been learning the art of smiling and laughing out loud. Laughing at small things. Smiling at stupid situations and even at my own mistakes. Although for a person who has always been composed and my emotions bottled up, this is quite liberating.
Freely letting people in, in my life is a big leap of faith. I hate having too many human beings inside my small territory. I hate having people know my likes and dislikes because by then, I might have made an emotional investment and even creating connections with strangers. This is a part of growing up. Inevitable even. But I hate this transition period.
Every day, we are bombarded with stress. From our daily activities up to our own thoughts-- we can become so restless throughout the day. Today, in particular, is very disappointing for me. I was not in the mood for anything. I was not in the mood to wear my mask on and pretend to be that cheerful being who is carefree and happy.
Ever since I turned 23, I made this pact with myself to not care about the world anymore. I just do not care whether people like me or they hate me. And the last thing I would want to happen to me is to let this negativity run my day.
If there are some things that I would not spend more than five minutes on it, these would be:
1. My Current Mood
My moods are dictated by the tide. In the morning, I can be as hyper as I can or I can just be as emotionless as a stone. Whatever mood I am in, it usually lasts the whole day. I realize this is not a healthy habit at all.
If you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, find a way to switch the mood. It is not healthy f…
Wow! Can you believe it? 2017 is freaking done! The times have changed and the world is turning. But I am still the same old me. The same old dreams keeping me alive. The same old thoughts eating me alive. It feels like some poetic rhyme but really it has been costing me dimes. ( can't help to make a couplet thought)
How was my 2017?
It was a year of taking risks. I took the risk of signing that one year contract in the school I am currently teaching. If you do not know me well, I hate staying in one place for a long time, but I guess being locked up in a contract is one thing that tests my patience and my abilities.
We took the risk of making a new home for us. Despite the lack of abundant cash. Despite the lack of resources but we took the risk. It cost me a lot of moolah. It cost us emotional exhaustion but we are more than halfway there. In no time, we will be seeing the fruits of my labor.
But the in-betweens of my year was horrible. It mostly consisted of ranting, complaini…