Let's Get Personal on E-day

Fact: My favorite day is October 8. I don't know why but I always find this day special. When I was younger and naive, this was my ideal wedding date. But forget that now, I just give myself some lovin on this day.

Since, I have told you about the significance of such date, I decided to give you some good loving blog update. Tonight, as I'm putting myself to sleep with a can of beer (it has been the only way to sleep peacefully apart from cough medicine), I will let you in my private life. We will talk mainly about two things: love online and  !

1. Love online is a hoax
Imagine you woke up late for the day, you only have 20 minutes to prepare everything and you just grab whatever you see and go out. You did not bother to check if that is what you really need and if that is what you want to bring with you for the day. That's just like swiping right to that social dating app you just downloaded.

Everyone looks pretty and goodlooking. They got the perfect description laid out on their profile. You liked them because they are "ideal" only to find out that days after it will be your worst nightmare. This, my friends, is an awful way to find love. If you want to have a good time then this is the perfect avenue. If you want to go for a fast paced relationship, then maybe this works for you.

I have tried it myself, and in fact have fallen to the trap of virtually liking someone. Perhaps it was out of rush. The kind of rush when you are late for work. Perhaps it was out of the need to just talk to a person to distract myself from my own thoughts. And it has cost me emotional turmoil that is not welcome at all. It made me glued up to my phone waiting for replies. It made me paranoid on what might happen at the end of the line. It made me unhappy.

Cliche quotes have told us that people come into our lives either a blessing or a lesson. But in this context, that person is both. The conversations kept me company when days get lonely but the conversations also taught me a lesson to discern when to believe something. Perhaps this virtual connection ended because I needed to regain my sanity. I was slowly slipping away from my soul because of the need to appease the other. I was slowly losing control over my thoughts because I was afraid to let go of that "temporary" constant.

But I had to go back to my senses. I had to tell myself to stop because it is demanding so much of me. My inner peace as been disrupted. My values and my self worth has been put to question by how thi
What was supposed to be a "kilig" encounter was turned into a battle of control and submission which is not what is supposed to be.

And though there is still a constant battle of going back or moving forward, I will resist the temptation of going back. I know my worth and I have worked hard to build myself up so I cannot afford someone to come so easily and break it for me.

Until then, I will be busy reaching my goals. For now, love online is a hoax. Nobody will like you despite sending them the most heartfelt text you wrote. Nobody will like you just because you sent a good selfie. Nobody will like you enough just because you sent a good morning or good evening or even the heart emoji. Nobody will like you for the person that you are because love online is as cheap as the Mcdo fries you bought at the end of the street. Because real love and connection means proximity and maturity. One needs to be near for them to feel the authenticity of the emotion and one must be mature enough to understand the semantics of the word "commitment".

(But I am happy for those who found their love online and succeeded. I guess I am not made for relationships. At least I tried :))


Note: Photo dump from Thailand few months ago. It was a great time to be alone. Now, I still am. :)

Happy E-day!